This week I
walked into a conversation concerning a husband and wife. The husband is white and the wife is
Asian. As the other people were visiting
about this couple one of the people said, “I wonder if she is a mail order
bride.” Even though the person they were
talking about was not there to hear the comment it still made me feel very
uncomfortable. I just shook my head no
and at that time exited the conversation. I felt the comment was inappropriate and I did
not want to continue to be a part of the conversation.
Another example
of a microaggression that I have observed before is when I have been out to
dinner with a couple and the husband said to the wife “Are you really going to
eat that?” The wife was a little over
weight and was going to eat a certain type of dessert. The wife decided against eating the dessert
when her husband made that comment. It
made me angry to hear him say this to his wife.
If I was his wife I would have then ate two desserts!
This week I
realized that even if the person you are saying something about is not there to
hear the remark it can still be offensive to the people who are there and hear
the remark. These experiences were a
good reminder to remember to not judge other people and that your words greatly
impact the people around you.
Hi Courtney,
ReplyDeleteWhen you say that you walked away from the conversation, I realize that I have done that as well. It is hard to know the right thing to say in these type of situations because we do not want to start conflict or make things worse. I wonder how it would have worked in your scenario to ask "why do you think that?" and see what the others would say. Then it would be an easy response to say something in a light tone about how not all Asian looking people are mail order brides or maybe we should ask how they met. It would make me think twice if I was the one gossiping about another couple. I think it is good to make people think twice. -Mary
Hi Courtney,
ReplyDeleteThe different situations that you shared are a real eye open. People can experience microaggression as an outsider, and insider, and the main target of the microaggression. The words being said and even the body language to help support the words are offensive and hurtful. They affect a person's self-esteem and confidence and they begin to question their place in the world. I feel all people could benefit from a training on microaggression because I feel it’s a form of reason why there is so much discrimination and stereotyping of others in the world. Each person should be able to voice their concerns and feelings about how another person made them feel. No one should have to feel this one by any means and through this training on microaggression I would want to be optimistic that changes can happen one step at a time with those who are to make a difference.
Courtney,
ReplyDeleteI always get offended when I would be stereotyped by man because I am a woman. In my culture boys are still favored over girls and I remember even as a child, my brothers had many privileges that we, my sister and I, did not have. For example they were allowed to accompany my Dad when he would go somewhere and were not expected to do household tasks or sweep the garden. When I grew up and got married I silently revolt against that and so I trained my husband to help around in the house and like when he serves me my tea. I must admit I've got a lovely husband. However, this is not the case for many women in my country and many women I met like my hairdresser or even colleagues always complain that their husband do not respect them as they experience micro-insults on regular basis from their part. I personally would never accept that my husband would treat me that way but I realized it is the reality of many women and they have to bear it because of their children or because they too have been conditioned to abide to a certain role as a woman.
Hi Courtney,
ReplyDeleteIt is unfortunate that people are often offended by those closest to them. Your story reminds me of a friend who was married (they are divorced now) and her husband would demean her in the presence of others. He would compare her to other women as well. It was a difficult to socialize with them. She finally developed enough confidence to realize his behavior was verbally and emotionally abusive.
~Markehtia
Hey Courtney,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your post. I agree that many people would get offended when things are said about other people that are not true. I wish that all people would learn how to treat us as we are. Thanks for sharing.