In my
second year of teaching preschool I had a young boy in my class that had never
had any type of structure in his life.
After being in preschool for a week or so he started acting out. He started by refusing to follow our
classroom rules and routines. When he
did not want to do something he would hide under the table, try and leave the
classroom, scream and yell or throw different objects in the classroom. I talked to his mother about his behavior and
I started trying different strategies to help him in the classroom. His mother was very young and in denial of
her son’s behavior. One day she would
come to school and talk about how he does this same behavior at home and the
next day his behavior in the classroom would be my entire fault.
Finally,
one day she came to pick him up and he was hiding under the table. We were talking about how he did that day at
school and all of a sudden she lost it.
She said she wanted to speak to my supervisor. I said ok I would go get my principal and she
started saying no I know there is someone higher then her and I want to talk to
that person. I said I had no idea who
that would be and I went and got my principal.
When my principal came in the mother started telling her how it was not
ok all of the problems he was having at school and if we couldn’t figure it out
she would pull him out of our school. At
that time I was extremely pregnant, very emotional and frankly when she said
that I thought to myself oh please do! I
know this wasn’t the right attitude but I also knew she wasn’t going to take
him out of our school. Right away my
principal used a very calm voice, acknowledged the mother’s concerns and
started asking the mother questions.
First she asked, “What do you do when your son displays this behavior at
home?” The mother went on to answer my principal’s
questions. By the time the mother left
that day she was calm and more willing to work with us to help her son. A few months later this mother actually came
up to me after school one day and thanked me for all I was doing for her
son. She said she had noticed a big
change at home in his behavior since he had been learning in school.
When
I look back at this situation I see that my principal did a good job staying
calm and using probing to get answers from the mom. This calmed the mom down and helped her look
at both sides of the situation. I also
know I could have shown more compassion for this mother. From the beginning she was not very nice to
me and I did let her attitude towards me affect my feelings towards her. I needed to make sure I was using more
compassion in my communication with this mother. In the end things worked out well but I did
learn a lot from that interaction. I do
have and show more compassion for parents who have a child who is struggling
with their behavior and I also ask the parents more questions. I believe by asking the parents questions it
makes them feel much more involved in helping their child in and outside of the
classroom. Has anyone else had a parent
get upset with you for his or her child’s inappropriate behavior? If so, how did you handle the situation?
Hi Courtney,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story and to know you are not alone in your experience of dealing challenging behavior. In my toddler classroom, I had this boy, who would throw toys, hit, kick, and push and bite the other children and teachers. I worked with him and the family very closely regarding his behavior. I would model how to communicate with his peers on expressing his feelings, wants, and needs, as well as with his teachers. I offered him various sensory materials to help calm and relax his body when his behavior became challenging. I offered him play dough, goop, foam paint, finger paint, sand and other sensory materials for him to explore and feel to help self-regulate his body. I would speak with his mom about his behaviors and she would not see it at home except for biting on occasions at home. I spoke to her about having a Mental Health Consultant from Early Intervention to offer suggestions for managing his challenging behavior. I stayed in connect with the mother and expressed my concerns with my co-teachers and supervisor. It was a struggle to manage his needs and I was at a loss for what else I could do for him. This child injured another child by throw a hard object towards other peers head. The sound of impact broke my heart and all I could think about was this child broke his skull open; it wasn't and he only had a mark with a deep cut needing glue from the doctors to help it heal. I will never forget the feeling I had throughout the day of being shaken to the core of what happened. This accident is what finally helped get this child the help he needed, which was a different setting in a Family Day Care Center. I questioned my ability as a teacher but knew with all my heart that it was my compassion for the children and families that helped me get through this difficult time with him. Sometimes we think we do not do enough to help young children and their families, when in reality, we really do help support and guide them to be successful.
Hi Courtney,
ReplyDeleteWe have probably all had challenging behaviors in our classrooms that make us question our ability as teachers. The compassion you learned to show for the child and his parent in your class is what makes you a wonderful teacher. The principles of nonviolent communication (NVC) teach us how to create compassionate connections and contribute to relationships based in cooperation and collaboration (http://www.cnvc.org/). Good for you!!!
References
Website: Center for Nonviolent Communication. Retrieved from:
http://www.cnvc.org/
Courtney,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this with us. It is very difficult to have conversations with parents about their child's behavior concerns at school. I have found it is important not to bring it up every day as the parent will feel defeated. Our program began doing something new. We have the classroom teachers make one phone call home once a week to a different family each week. This phone call is a time for the teacher to share something positive about their child's day. I am interested to see how this works, but our goal is to make those more difficult conversations to have a little bit easier.
ReplyDeleteBeing a teacher is definitely not easy work! We have to constantly work at relationships and find ways to handle conflict. This week has provided insights on how we can handle different types of conflicts. I think you did the right thing by getting your principal, especially since you were so pregnant! I know when I was pregnant my emotions were much more heightened, not to mention how sensitive I was. It is good to get someone who plays the “neutral” role to help diffuse and solve a problem.
Kids with behavioral problems and parents that are indenial are one of the biggest problems that I face as a child care provider . The parent continues to hold they're child when they need to be put down and let the child learn how to walk and stand on they're own . another problem is wehn the child is at the age to begin being potty training and they continue to leave diapers on them when they should be wearing pull ups andsitting on the toilet to learn how to use the restroom .
ReplyDelete